i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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