Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
