apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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