oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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