College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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