just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
