it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
