I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
