she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
