I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
