turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
