Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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