I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
