this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize