thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
