is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
