i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
