just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
