i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
