She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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