This is not my ceiling
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
