Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Sponge bath it is.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
