he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's the barista slut.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize