The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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