I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
