do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
