You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
