my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
