Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
