This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
