i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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