I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
