Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
