margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
