She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
