omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
