I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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