He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
