I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
