Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
