"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Come see our sink grown plant.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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