just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
