My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i drank out of a bidet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
