About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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