when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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