guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize