how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
