Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
