mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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