I heard we made out
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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