I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
