She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
