guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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