arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
