There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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