Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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