I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
