in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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