no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
