Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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