so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
