She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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