i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
