My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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