so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
