i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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