I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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