the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They have beer where we have blood.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
