I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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