and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
