I like to think it a success when the cops are called
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
