all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
