Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
