that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
