You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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