clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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