You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
